learning to talk about things i like
a few years ago, i used to struggle a lot with talking about things i liked. i feared that my words wouldn't ever be able to properly articulate why i loved the things i did. it kind of felt like i was selling my feelings short and in a way, doing that thing i held so dear a disservice by failing to verbalize what exactly made it so great.
i used to joke that writing a dissertation on why i disliked something was infinitely easier than writing a paragraph about why i liked something. it probably didn't help i used to think that it was a little cringey too — hearing myself try to explain why something resonated with me, that is. maybe because i used to get made fun of for my interests. or because of that time i was told my opinions weren't really worth caring about. every time i heard myself speak, i just felt like a loser and a try hard, grasping at a painfully surface level analysis of something that ran miles deep.
it is just as mr. knightley once dictated to emma woodhouse:
if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more
to be honest i think this is still something i struggle with, but not as much as i used to. i'm a lot less afraid of trying to talk about why i like something now, even though the anxiety of my thoughts being wrong, stupid, and actively perceived by someone who will see its being wrong and stupid still chips away at my barely-there confidence.
i don't know when exactly the switch happened, but after reflecting on my recent movie reviews i realized that i actually write more about movies i like than movies i didn't like these days. i think it's just far more rewarding to do so and honestly — sometimes a movie is just so nothingburger i don't want to add to my wasted time by writing about it too. and while i think i've gotten better at expressing my feelings on movies, i'm still not very good at doing so for books and especially bad at it for music. i'd like to get better at it eventually. i don't think i need to go as hard as critics do, though i absolutely love when critics do their thang and put into words exactly what i couldn't.
don't get me wrong though, i still love being a hater when duty calls. otherwise, i look for someone else who had the energy to take on the responsibility of ranting a lengthy amount and give them a like as my seal of endorsement.